Burning

[myz_lilith]

Everything feels like it's grinding to a halt. Doesn't help that after a few epic weekends I've got nothing really planned in for this one. In theory that should be a good thing, a chance to relax, de-stress and catch up with myself. But it feels like if I don't keep the momentum sky high, I'm going to lose it completely. Need big plans, adventures, escape, total eclipse escapism. Tempted to just jump on a train somewhere. Or a plane. Or to get in the car and just keep driving until I hit the edge of something. Anything to keep moving.

At the same time, can't bring myself to book any more trips to London. Can't bring myself to sort out a new fridge. Both feel like admissions of defeat and failure. And that inertia seems to be spreading. Need to redye my hair (not only was the last dye orange, it had no staying power), buy a new wallet, do a huge pile of washing, a million and one tiny pinprick chores, and it all feels pointless. Work is insane, jobhunting is very much pushing a boulder up a mountain right now and makes me want to start screaming, and doing anything else feels like an utter waste of time.

Far too on edge today. Simple discourtesies feel like deadly insults, and basic questions are leaving me on the edge of screaming 'are you stupid?' at people. Close to meltdown.

Well aware I can't carry on like this, but don't know how to break out of it.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_pyromancer_/]

Random thought based on stuff I've been doing of late, but how about take yourself off to one of the not too far away stately homes (or ruins) and spend a day wandering the house and grounds and making up fantasy for your own amusement? Lie on the grass of the lawn and pretend to own the estate. Wander through the great hall addressing your servants and retainers (in your head, or out loud if you really want to scare people! :-) ), planning a feast that also includes the dismembering of your enemies and enormous purple fluffy spiders as house-guests.

It's amazing how good fresh air and being "out" can help with calming and relaxing, in a way that isn't "it's all dead now". I always find I sleep really well after a day away doing stuff too, which might help?