Decisions

[myz_lilith]

Things I have decided:

• I am going to re-apply for my job (part time, and term-time only if possible) at the council. But as of this week, I am also going to be applying for full time graphics jobs.
  
  (I've been torn about this for some time. It looks like the new jobs in the council will be significantly different from what I've been doing, with less database stuff and more (bleaugh!) reception work and photocopying. And all the people I worked with are moving round, so it won't even have the same atmosphere. Now it's possible that the new job description may be better, or I may be able to hop into a new post, but I never really wanted to be there long-term.
  
  I'm also finding that the freelance business is developing slower than I expected(which I guess was only to be expected, but I didn't) I think half the trouble is that I still don't have enough confidence in my work, so tend to put stuff off until I panic myself into it. I love the work when it's finished, I just don't have the belief to start it easily. And that's not going to change in a hurry. And I'm trying to balance the actual artworking side against the business admin side, and getting very stressed not only about the stuff I have to do now but also about the stuff I don't even know about yet that I need to take on next month to survive, and it's resulting in me being curled up in a small ball under the desk wiating for the world to go away. Or covered in eczema. Or drunk. Or all three. To be fair, I have made a fair amount of progress over the past year, and I do think I would be able to cope with doing this at some point in the future. But I can't concentrate on building a business while I'm still trying to build my skill-base, and develop my style. Which is where the full-time graphics job comes in.
  
  For ages, I was worried both that taking a graphics job would be a step backwards, and that it would also be admitting defeat and make the past year a waste of time. But now I'm starting to see it as a logical progression. After all, the past year has given me a portfolio and (technically) a year's commercial experience. But for all that I've taught myself a lot this year, I think that in a studio environment I'd probably learn that much again in the first month, maybe even week. So if in a few years time I do still want to freelance (which I think I still will) it won't be taking a step backwards because I'll be in completely a new place.
  
  Now I just need to see what kind of job I can manage to get. Last year, with no portfolio and no reall effort, I got an interview for a very basic Mac Operators position (it was one I applied for through the job centre but didn't care about because by that stage I pretty much knew I had this job, I was just waiting for the paperwork to come through - I even put on the letter that I had no PC experience but still got invited to interview... by that point my job was confirmed so I declined) So I'm pretty sure I can get in on the bottom rung, but as long as I'm still working at the council and have no great rush, I'm going to try higher first. Not so much for the money, as even an entry level salary will be better than what I'm scraping along on now, but because there's a chance that I will get to design and illustrate, instead of just neatening up someone else's layouts. Having looked at a couple of design agencies websites, several appear to be asking for people who can actually ~draw~, which was a nice suprise - I was worried that might be a dead skill in this day and age - so my degree might be an asset after all!
  
  Anyway, now need to make sure I get a proper polished portfolio both online and on paper - the projects I'm (overdue) on right now are mainly illustration, which is good, as I need more practice at illustrator and want to do more freehand drawing and painting
  
  I think it's the right decision. It feels like a massive weight has lifted)
  
  As for the rest...
  
  
• I have joined the local gym. I am now going to swim at least once a week, hopefully more, and investigate yoga and akido (all of which are now free, so I have no excuses)
  
• I am giving up alcohol. Not forever, and possibly not when I'm actually out (as that's usually once a week at most... although I am considering it) But definitely no alcohol at home.
  
• I am going to get out to more plays, or concerts, or film events, or galleries, or places of interest in the area. As long as I'm still working from home I need proper times to escape somewhere without feeling guilty.
  
• I am going to start working on my own art projects again - the photo-sculptures definitely and possibly some painting. I'm going to look into exhibiting them - not somewhere posh, but somewhere like an arts cafe where people might actually buy them. (In fact, I've already started on this one, in a minor way)
  
• I'm going to build a searchable database for all my photography work so that I actually start using and appreciating some of my old prints, instead of having them languish in draws. I may even get some up on iStock or somewhere and see if there's any interest in them...
  
  Having had a real bad eczema outbreak last week, I ended up having to put any actual artwork on hold. Instead I've been de-cluttering, tidying and sorting, as a result of which my office is starting to look like a workspace rather than a dumping ground. I suddenly realised that my list of things To Do is suddenly filled with things I actually want to do, rather than things I feel I have to do. This is a nice feeling. I want to keep it that way.

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[miss-behave.livejournal.com]

I've suddenly found my life is full and hectic - and I love it. :)