![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Well, a combination of eczema itchiness and having to get up early for work half this week has left my sleeping pattern totally fucked. As I have been failing to get to sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning, up at 8, getting home from work, crashing out, and then waking up at midnight awake and unable to sleep even if I'm not itchy. As is the case right now.
The good news is that I ~am~ currently not itchy. This is partly due to good old sod's law as I went back to the doctors on Tuesday and as is normally the case, at the first whiff of a doctors appointment my eczema scarpered. Think this is more proof that the recent flare-up has been more than a little stress-based (which is backed up by the fact that even taking weird sleeping patterns into account then I've been sleeping way too much and my stomach has been going haywire, neither of which are ever good signs) and that I'm getting into that viscious cycle where the stress about ~having~ eczema ands up fuelling itself, since as soon as I do something positive about it I relax and it calms down.
However I decided that as I always end up cancelling appointments only to have the flare up return in force two days later I would actually go along and explain and describe my symptoms. Which tuend out to be a really good thing as instead of seeing my usual doctor (who is admittedly quite wonderful) I saw one that actually suffered from eczema myself, and understood that the symptoms fluctuate but the problem is still there, and knew exactly what I meant when I was talking about the difference between dry sking that's just dry sking, and dry skin that you can ~feel~ is liable to suddenly turn bright red and stinging almost litereally in the blink of an eye.
And he turned round and recommended himself with me asking that I go back to a dermatologist, especially since it's been several years since I last saw one. I was planning to ask for a referral anyway but also dreading it, as I always have the fear in the back of my mind that doctors will turn round and sneer "You think I'd send ~YOU~ to a specialist? And waste their time with something that piffling? Come back when you're bleeding!" Was also glad as he mentioned it ~before~ I asked about a private referral which means that he thought it was something I needed, rather than just indulging the whims of someone willing to pay.
Of course, now that I have the referral the eczema has remained relatively low key but I think I shall make an appointment anyway just to get into the system... besides, if the dermatologist is any good then they should know how much and how quickly eczema symtoms can fluctuate, and be able to disuss them with me even if they're not visible at the time. And besides, if I leave it then it'll only flare up again as soon as it's too late to do anything about it...
AND he's prescribed me some new ant-histamines which are actualy geared towards skin itch (I've just been using my hayfever tablets) and better bath oil with extra anti-itch stuff. And a couple of tubs of 50/50 parafin, which is simultaneously the most impractical moisturiser as it's so gunky and oily, and the best, for the same reasons. I'd recommend it to anyone that has serious dry sking conditions, but warn that it really needs a spare hour sitting round in old clothes to let it sink in properly.
Anyway, am now going to make the most of the witching hour by doing some life organisation. (This should also be helpful healthwise as it battles the stressing)
I need to:
1) Sort the house out a bit. Starting with my room, as the most important thing is to have a clutter-free zoe wher you can be relaxed. Then getting my office organised so I have a good working environment. Then the lounge, for another relaxing place. Then sort out the dining room, as it's still got a lot of junk dupmed there and is only really used for storage and laundry right now, which seems a waste of a very nice room.
2) Sort out some short-term and long term plans, both for my business specifically and for me in general (I don't believe in trying to plan your whole life out but it's good to have some idea of where you want ot be going)
Top priority is going to be making a proper business plan, talking to some advisory people (Business Link or the like) and getting my business website online ASAP, even if it's a skeleton site. Which means making myself finish my own logo and graphics which I find far far harder than designing for someone else, but Kris has given me some wonderful starting points so I have no excuse.
Also want to put together another "to-do" thingie. I say "thingie" as my to do lists are never lists exactly but do seem to be very useful as I often use them as learning experiences. So my old straightforward To Do List became a html document, which became a few interlinked pages, which got me using html properly and I still use to experiment on. More recently I've automatically gravitated towards putting things on databases. I now want to combine the tow and make myself an updatable To Do Display in SQL, which seems a natural progression.
3. Get back into a proper sleeping routine and start doing things with my evenings again. This means going biting the bullet and going back to photography and fencing before I leave it too long and drift away completely. More importantly getting out and socialising again as I haven't done that for several weeks now and I know that can be both a symptom and a cause of mild depression and a self-fualling spiral, so I need to break it NOW. Or at least on Sunday.
The good thing is that this week I have been in (council job)work a lot, culminating today with a team away day, which means:
(a) My lieu time balance has gone from me owing a couple of hours to being nearly a full day in "credit" which I'm going to keep on hand as it's a nice cushion
(b) I feel a lot more secure about what my job is, where it's going in the future, and that I'm ~measurably~ valued (my colleagues are always full of praise which is wonderful, but they're naturally nice people so I always think they would be anyway. But now I can see more clearly the things I could point out to someone else as "that's mine and I do it well" and could back up with evidence, which is very reassuring, especially after my last job where I took on lots of responsibility but had no credit for it outside of my immediate team, and being a temp was ultimately dropped instantly when a higher up manager decided our department had no further need of temporary workers)
It also cleared up a lot of questions about how our team works together, and things should be less haphazard and more under our control in future. I'd be an idiot if I thought this will casue less stress, as in the workplace stress epxands to fill the heads available to it, but it should cut down on unecessary stress, which is always a good thing
(c) I'm ~definitely~ not going into work tomorrow, and don't have a nagging sense of guilt about it. (Even though I ~know~ I'm only contracted to 18 1/2 hours a week, I still somehow feel like I'm skiving when I'm not there... but hopefully this will change once I have a better freelancing routine and it feels like a "proper" business)
Now debating whether I should stay awake all night and all tomorrow and try to hammer my sleeping routines back into place. Only problem is that en route to work today the numberplate on the front of my car fell loose, and is now currently sat in the windrscreen instead. Coupled with the fact that I still haven't had the post-slaes inspection I was meant to be called about a couple of weeks ago, I think I should possibly be heading to the garage in the morning so being in a fit state to drive is quite important. Though I'm still relatively awake so I might be better to call and (hopefully) take it in at 8 ~then~ sleep as I'll probably be more alert than if I go to bed now then try to drive at lunchtime.
I also seem to have pissed away over an hour typing this entry. But it's put my thoughts in a bit more order so that's ok. Besides, I'm a big girl now and don't have to go to bed at a sensible time, or eat my greens, or anything so :-p
The good news is that I ~am~ currently not itchy. This is partly due to good old sod's law as I went back to the doctors on Tuesday and as is normally the case, at the first whiff of a doctors appointment my eczema scarpered. Think this is more proof that the recent flare-up has been more than a little stress-based (which is backed up by the fact that even taking weird sleeping patterns into account then I've been sleeping way too much and my stomach has been going haywire, neither of which are ever good signs) and that I'm getting into that viscious cycle where the stress about ~having~ eczema ands up fuelling itself, since as soon as I do something positive about it I relax and it calms down.
However I decided that as I always end up cancelling appointments only to have the flare up return in force two days later I would actually go along and explain and describe my symptoms. Which tuend out to be a really good thing as instead of seeing my usual doctor (who is admittedly quite wonderful) I saw one that actually suffered from eczema myself, and understood that the symptoms fluctuate but the problem is still there, and knew exactly what I meant when I was talking about the difference between dry sking that's just dry sking, and dry skin that you can ~feel~ is liable to suddenly turn bright red and stinging almost litereally in the blink of an eye.
And he turned round and recommended himself with me asking that I go back to a dermatologist, especially since it's been several years since I last saw one. I was planning to ask for a referral anyway but also dreading it, as I always have the fear in the back of my mind that doctors will turn round and sneer "You think I'd send ~YOU~ to a specialist? And waste their time with something that piffling? Come back when you're bleeding!" Was also glad as he mentioned it ~before~ I asked about a private referral which means that he thought it was something I needed, rather than just indulging the whims of someone willing to pay.
Of course, now that I have the referral the eczema has remained relatively low key but I think I shall make an appointment anyway just to get into the system... besides, if the dermatologist is any good then they should know how much and how quickly eczema symtoms can fluctuate, and be able to disuss them with me even if they're not visible at the time. And besides, if I leave it then it'll only flare up again as soon as it's too late to do anything about it...
AND he's prescribed me some new ant-histamines which are actualy geared towards skin itch (I've just been using my hayfever tablets) and better bath oil with extra anti-itch stuff. And a couple of tubs of 50/50 parafin, which is simultaneously the most impractical moisturiser as it's so gunky and oily, and the best, for the same reasons. I'd recommend it to anyone that has serious dry sking conditions, but warn that it really needs a spare hour sitting round in old clothes to let it sink in properly.
Anyway, am now going to make the most of the witching hour by doing some life organisation. (This should also be helpful healthwise as it battles the stressing)
I need to:
1) Sort the house out a bit. Starting with my room, as the most important thing is to have a clutter-free zoe wher you can be relaxed. Then getting my office organised so I have a good working environment. Then the lounge, for another relaxing place. Then sort out the dining room, as it's still got a lot of junk dupmed there and is only really used for storage and laundry right now, which seems a waste of a very nice room.
2) Sort out some short-term and long term plans, both for my business specifically and for me in general (I don't believe in trying to plan your whole life out but it's good to have some idea of where you want ot be going)
Top priority is going to be making a proper business plan, talking to some advisory people (Business Link or the like) and getting my business website online ASAP, even if it's a skeleton site. Which means making myself finish my own logo and graphics which I find far far harder than designing for someone else, but Kris has given me some wonderful starting points so I have no excuse.
Also want to put together another "to-do" thingie. I say "thingie" as my to do lists are never lists exactly but do seem to be very useful as I often use them as learning experiences. So my old straightforward To Do List became a html document, which became a few interlinked pages, which got me using html properly and I still use to experiment on. More recently I've automatically gravitated towards putting things on databases. I now want to combine the tow and make myself an updatable To Do Display in SQL, which seems a natural progression.
3. Get back into a proper sleeping routine and start doing things with my evenings again. This means going biting the bullet and going back to photography and fencing before I leave it too long and drift away completely. More importantly getting out and socialising again as I haven't done that for several weeks now and I know that can be both a symptom and a cause of mild depression and a self-fualling spiral, so I need to break it NOW. Or at least on Sunday.
The good thing is that this week I have been in (council job)work a lot, culminating today with a team away day, which means:
(a) My lieu time balance has gone from me owing a couple of hours to being nearly a full day in "credit" which I'm going to keep on hand as it's a nice cushion
(b) I feel a lot more secure about what my job is, where it's going in the future, and that I'm ~measurably~ valued (my colleagues are always full of praise which is wonderful, but they're naturally nice people so I always think they would be anyway. But now I can see more clearly the things I could point out to someone else as "that's mine and I do it well" and could back up with evidence, which is very reassuring, especially after my last job where I took on lots of responsibility but had no credit for it outside of my immediate team, and being a temp was ultimately dropped instantly when a higher up manager decided our department had no further need of temporary workers)
It also cleared up a lot of questions about how our team works together, and things should be less haphazard and more under our control in future. I'd be an idiot if I thought this will casue less stress, as in the workplace stress epxands to fill the heads available to it, but it should cut down on unecessary stress, which is always a good thing
(c) I'm ~definitely~ not going into work tomorrow, and don't have a nagging sense of guilt about it. (Even though I ~know~ I'm only contracted to 18 1/2 hours a week, I still somehow feel like I'm skiving when I'm not there... but hopefully this will change once I have a better freelancing routine and it feels like a "proper" business)
Now debating whether I should stay awake all night and all tomorrow and try to hammer my sleeping routines back into place. Only problem is that en route to work today the numberplate on the front of my car fell loose, and is now currently sat in the windrscreen instead. Coupled with the fact that I still haven't had the post-slaes inspection I was meant to be called about a couple of weeks ago, I think I should possibly be heading to the garage in the morning so being in a fit state to drive is quite important. Though I'm still relatively awake so I might be better to call and (hopefully) take it in at 8 ~then~ sleep as I'll probably be more alert than if I go to bed now then try to drive at lunchtime.
I also seem to have pissed away over an hour typing this entry. But it's put my thoughts in a bit more order so that's ok. Besides, I'm a big girl now and don't have to go to bed at a sensible time, or eat my greens, or anything so :-p
no subject
no subject
*Her theories of 'temperature' in the body really helped me.
no subject
I'm just wary of going back unless I have to as it was quite a long and involved process, and unfortunately even though I made all the gradual changes back to my original diet I never identified anything as a trigger or group of triggers (and indeed was practically eczema-less for a couple of years without making any kind of changes in my lifestyle)
I think part of me feels I should keep the Chinese option in reserve for in case it gets really bad again. (I know that's king of silly but last time I went when the consultant at the time couldn't help, so I shall at least give this chance a try this time)
I think it's possible that stress management is going to be more important though...