This hurts

[myz_lilith]

I am sick of being the mother in this house.

We ended up having a huge arguement about who gave pwople lifts where. By the time it happened it was kind of redundant because I'd been drinking. BUT I'd already offered earlier tonight not to drink and to do all the driving. And been told "no, don't do that. as I (him) can't afford it"

It's the same every month. We have people staying and I end up doing he running round and making sure things are ok and feeling guilty when I abandon people to go get changed and doing all the cooking and sorting out who's going where and when AND all the time he sits and plays on the computer.

(Don't get me wrong. I ~like~ having people stay. But I always ask him if it's ok and he always says "mmmhmhmn")

Tonight, we had actually had less people staying here than useal. There were only four in the house, and a couple of oher people that moght have wanted lifts to the pub. I mentioned about there being more people than places in the car this morning. I also said to him that if we sai that there were more people than car places then we should check if anyone wouldn't mind hanging back and going straight to the club. He said "mmmhmhmn".

I gave up. For the past 6-8 months I've spent every Wendyhouse \ Special event weekend running round making sure everyone staying with us is happy and fed and blah blah. I mean, these are friends of purs. And people that if we didn't feed them would sort something out. But still I always feel bad if I'm a shit hostess. And I've explained this to him before asking him to agree "yes" people can stay. And said that I'd like not to be soley responsible to look after people (even if I know they don't necessarily need looking after still I know how I'd like to treat people staying, and he knows what I'm like, and still over and iver I've EXPLAINED to him what I'd like in terms of making people welcome and hhim being a a part of it like and he's still said "yes") And then when people have turned up, he's just said said "mmmhmhmn" and played on the computer for hours. Every time. And I've always looked after people because they're my friends so that's what ~I do, but it's always been extra stressful because I've always tried to make it our house so we have equal say in people staying and then I've done evrything,

So as I said, he invited too many people to have a lift to the pub pre- Wendyhouse. I pointed this out to him. He said "mmmhmhmn". There were people that would have happily hung back and headed straight to the club. But he didn't bother to ask. instead, later, this was somehow ALL my fault.

Everything was my fault. It was all my fault for gettig upset tonight. In spite of the fact I've put up with this kind of thing for 8 months AND been blamed for it all. AND put up with the abuse in silence. Because "we can't argue with people here" which means he can take my car and insult me for not organising things that he should be doing himself. For the past 8 bloody months.

Well, I'm sorry people here. Because I never want anyone else to be affected. But, the only reason you've never had to deal this before is becaue I've always ran round in circles pacifying and complimenting and patching up where he's made plans with big holes in... and then he's ended up taking big credid for driving my car with my petrol and my stressed-out plans to where we needed to be. And then at the end of the night left him to sulk and played hostess,

And I'm tired of always being the stressed running-round one. If it turns out that from now I always make my own way to places, and drive and don't drink, and take no-one with me, then fuck it. At least it means from now on I wom't have to be resonsible for sorting people out and then getting passed over \ hunted down when things go right \ wrong.

Offering him the chance to reply now. He'll probably ignore...

Comments

[safeinthecity.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

p.s. this sort of thing is why I intend to live alone.

[wideeyeddave.livejournal.com]

*huggggggggs* hey lass, don't worry, there are loads of people out there who appreciate you.

Thanks for what you said last night by the way. I had already kinda worked those things out for myself but it was really reasuring to hear them from someone else. And we all love you being motherly and a great hostess.

And I am still slightly drunk and going into a ten hour sunday shift at work... urgh

*hugs*

[bitbat.livejournal.com]

oh dear!
can't think of anything more useful or helpful to say :(

WE're currently supposed to be doing all the running round getting ready to host people stuff for our (what I now know to be)badly-timed garden party....but it hardly seems worth the effort since I doubt than anyone will actually turn up! But my big worry is that just two or three people do and then I shall feel guilty for dragging them out here for a non_party in a devoid-of-goths-garden :( I just don't know what to do....go and cook sausages I guess, what the hell!

don't suppose we'll be seeing you or any of the WHvisitors in the circumstances....but we're here if you do wanna come over and ~grumble~ :)

xXxXx

[strawpig.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
As one of the people who often does stay with you for Wendyhouse's (Wendyhii?), We (or at least I, since I don't want to speak for the others, although I have a pretty good idea that they feel the same) really do appreciate just how much you do for us and how much he sits around (in a towel) playing computer games. You're NEVER a shit hostess, quite the opposite infact, and as you've said, we're all checky enough to sort things out if you didn't. I think you need to go back and read your last post, and it's comments... you rock!
lots of love
Patrick
XXXX

[ex-john-hat807.livejournal.com]

Is this your significant other?

[felishumanus.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[sunshine-mafia.livejournal.com]

it's ok though. these things have to come out or you'd go mad!!!

thanks for letting me stay, and you were a good hostess.
*hugs*