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So. Insomnia. Not the good kind where your brain is buzzing with so many ideas that sleep seems irrelevant and writing (or drawing) undeniable. The bad kind where your brain is soggy all the time, and sleep is there but broken and incomplete, and any dreams are ghostlike and fractured.
Which is almost certainly why I've been feeling trippy and not quite real the last few days.
It might not be why I managed to knock a full glass of water off my bedside table at 6am, but I'm pretty sure it didn't help.
For most people this could be solved by throwing a towel at the resulting puddle and going back to sleep again. But that's because normal people don't usually have a two-foot high (and wide, and deep) stack of books, sketchbooks and notepads by the side of their bed. Somehow even the ones right in the middle at the bottom managed to get drenched. After a mad scramble we managed to rescue most of them and I don't think there's any lasting harm, but my bed looks like the aftermath of some sort of literary massacre, with denuded casualties and sagging dust jackets laid out to dry like rows of fallen soldiers. I know I needed to get rid of stuff if I want to move, but not like this!
So yes, all of this adds to the current 'my life is cursed' feeling.
On the other hand, work actually provided a pick-me-up today. I just found out that I've single-handedly won us another big client, and it looks like not only are we now on their framework, we're top agency there. Not only is this a personal I-done-good boost in itself, and a relief because we need the work, I also got a heart-felt thank you from the evil boss, which possibly means that Hell is even colder than Leeds today. (We also had a big win between three of us last week, which nobody bothered to tell us about until Monday, which is pretty much par for the course.)
Ironically, this is all making applying for new jobs even harder. Not because it stops me wanting to leave - if I'm doing well here, I could be doing even better elsewhere (with a job description and salary to match.) But it's making updating my portfolio difficult as each week seems to bring something new and improved that I think should be in there. Which is brilliant, and better than despairing at not having any good work, but I could keep on like this forever and really do need to draw a line under things and start actually applying for things...
Oh, and start actually getting some sleep. That would help too.
Which is almost certainly why I've been feeling trippy and not quite real the last few days.
It might not be why I managed to knock a full glass of water off my bedside table at 6am, but I'm pretty sure it didn't help.
For most people this could be solved by throwing a towel at the resulting puddle and going back to sleep again. But that's because normal people don't usually have a two-foot high (and wide, and deep) stack of books, sketchbooks and notepads by the side of their bed. Somehow even the ones right in the middle at the bottom managed to get drenched. After a mad scramble we managed to rescue most of them and I don't think there's any lasting harm, but my bed looks like the aftermath of some sort of literary massacre, with denuded casualties and sagging dust jackets laid out to dry like rows of fallen soldiers. I know I needed to get rid of stuff if I want to move, but not like this!
So yes, all of this adds to the current 'my life is cursed' feeling.
On the other hand, work actually provided a pick-me-up today. I just found out that I've single-handedly won us another big client, and it looks like not only are we now on their framework, we're top agency there. Not only is this a personal I-done-good boost in itself, and a relief because we need the work, I also got a heart-felt thank you from the evil boss, which possibly means that Hell is even colder than Leeds today. (We also had a big win between three of us last week, which nobody bothered to tell us about until Monday, which is pretty much par for the course.)
Ironically, this is all making applying for new jobs even harder. Not because it stops me wanting to leave - if I'm doing well here, I could be doing even better elsewhere (with a job description and salary to match.) But it's making updating my portfolio difficult as each week seems to bring something new and improved that I think should be in there. Which is brilliant, and better than despairing at not having any good work, but I could keep on like this forever and really do need to draw a line under things and start actually applying for things...
Oh, and start actually getting some sleep. That would help too.
