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Tonight brought two season finales: America's Next Top Model and Project Runway. (Well, technically Top Model was on Monday, but watching live TV is just so 2003.)
The Top Model series (I started with the US one, soon expanded to include Australia, UK and Canada) were always my guilty TV pleasure. The first time I saw it, I was channel hopping and came across a show consisting of foul-mouthed slappers screaming abuse at each other. Which of course was great TV. I caught another episode later in the series, catching the results of the photoshoot, and was amazed to see photo after photo of elegant, poised models. 'This is obviously the "afterwards" stage' I thought. Only to to tune in the following week to a house full of foul-mouthed slappers screaming abuse at each other. It was that weird juxtaposition - and the transformation from gutter to art and back again (and some of those photos were breathtaking) - that really got me hooked. Well, that and the catfights.
However over the past few seasons I've definitely been falling out of love. I think one of the biggest culprits was the British version, that seemed to have been packed full of the worst kind of snobby stuck-up bitches that should been left behind forever in high school. Compounded by other series, with girls winning simply for having the right sort of face in spite of being insipid, dull, and failing miserably in all the challenges. I'm aware that those girls probably would make the most successful models in real life. But if I'm going to watch a real life documentary about people picking a model based on looks I want (a) for it to last no more than 20 minutes and (b) not to have to watch it.
Nobody watches reality shows for real life, we want carefully scripted stories that combine adversity, struggle, good overcoming evil, lessons learned, hidden talents blooming, vengeance and justice: in short, a story worth stretching over 13 episodes. And America's next top model always remembered that and delivered an unrealistic fairytale every time. (And catfights. Don't forget the catfights.) I nearly lost patience this season when it looked like they'd given up on storylines in favour of shepherding a scrawny 10-year-old-like streak of drivel with big eyes through to the title. I got so frustrated that I ended up forward-fasting through to the end to get it over with, only to find she'd been denied at the final turn, so I forgave them and went back to the beginning to watch it properly. Also, the new season starts almost immediately, so I may give it one more chance...
However, part of the reason things just aren't the same between Top Model and me may actually be because I have been seeing Project Runway on the side. I'd like to pretend there's some major difference between the two but quite frankly they follow exactly the same template (and possibly scriptwriters). So I think my switch in allegience comes down to a few basic things.
1. The contestants are older (you aren't automatically washed out at the age of 22 in fashion) and so less likely to trigger my 'needs a good slapping' instinct purely on the grounds of age
2. The contestants are less deferential. On Top Model, there's always a 'And we met {fashion icon} which was amazing because they're just so amazing and I felt so honoured!' (which usually sounds like it's being read off a malfunctioning autocue). Whereas in Runway the same scene runs 'And we met {fashion icon} but I didn't really pay attention as I always thought they were crap and my stuff's way better.'
3. I've accepted the fact that I'll never be a model (no, really!) but I am pretty good at sewing and do occasionally consider going on a fashion-type evening class to learn how to construct garments from scratch. (Especially just after watching Project Runway.
4. The contestants are a little further removed from the final product, making it easier to like someone's work and even be pleased that they won while still hating them as a person. (I've never bought into the frankly batshit and self-serving idea that somehow only good people can make good art.)
5. I'd rather be stuck in a lift with Tim Gunn than Tyra Banks.
I was excited to hear that there was a UK version, dismayed to hear it had been renamed 'Project Catwalk' (were they worried we'd get confused and think it was yet another airport-based reality show?) and absolutely horrified to find out it was hosted by Kelly Osbourne. So I think I'll be sticking to the US version.
Also, Marks and Spencers seem to have changed their Christmas advert. I heard there was some kind of fuss about it, but I only caught the original ad once before it vanished. As far as I can gather, it turns out that there's no problem at all with 'that bird' dancing round in her underwear (as she has been doing in every advert this year and still is in the new one). But any suggestion that men might actually ~enjoy~ watching this is bad, wrong and shameful. Um... huh? Remember guys, if you like watching girls in very little clothing, bite your tongues and never speak of it again!
Maybe they should have included catfights...
The Top Model series (I started with the US one, soon expanded to include Australia, UK and Canada) were always my guilty TV pleasure. The first time I saw it, I was channel hopping and came across a show consisting of foul-mouthed slappers screaming abuse at each other. Which of course was great TV. I caught another episode later in the series, catching the results of the photoshoot, and was amazed to see photo after photo of elegant, poised models. 'This is obviously the "afterwards" stage' I thought. Only to to tune in the following week to a house full of foul-mouthed slappers screaming abuse at each other. It was that weird juxtaposition - and the transformation from gutter to art and back again (and some of those photos were breathtaking) - that really got me hooked. Well, that and the catfights.
However over the past few seasons I've definitely been falling out of love. I think one of the biggest culprits was the British version, that seemed to have been packed full of the worst kind of snobby stuck-up bitches that should been left behind forever in high school. Compounded by other series, with girls winning simply for having the right sort of face in spite of being insipid, dull, and failing miserably in all the challenges. I'm aware that those girls probably would make the most successful models in real life. But if I'm going to watch a real life documentary about people picking a model based on looks I want (a) for it to last no more than 20 minutes and (b) not to have to watch it.
Nobody watches reality shows for real life, we want carefully scripted stories that combine adversity, struggle, good overcoming evil, lessons learned, hidden talents blooming, vengeance and justice: in short, a story worth stretching over 13 episodes. And America's next top model always remembered that and delivered an unrealistic fairytale every time. (And catfights. Don't forget the catfights.) I nearly lost patience this season when it looked like they'd given up on storylines in favour of shepherding a scrawny 10-year-old-like streak of drivel with big eyes through to the title. I got so frustrated that I ended up forward-fasting through to the end to get it over with, only to find she'd been denied at the final turn, so I forgave them and went back to the beginning to watch it properly. Also, the new season starts almost immediately, so I may give it one more chance...
However, part of the reason things just aren't the same between Top Model and me may actually be because I have been seeing Project Runway on the side. I'd like to pretend there's some major difference between the two but quite frankly they follow exactly the same template (and possibly scriptwriters). So I think my switch in allegience comes down to a few basic things.
1. The contestants are older (you aren't automatically washed out at the age of 22 in fashion) and so less likely to trigger my 'needs a good slapping' instinct purely on the grounds of age
2. The contestants are less deferential. On Top Model, there's always a 'And we met {fashion icon} which was amazing because they're just so amazing and I felt so honoured!' (which usually sounds like it's being read off a malfunctioning autocue). Whereas in Runway the same scene runs 'And we met {fashion icon} but I didn't really pay attention as I always thought they were crap and my stuff's way better.'
3. I've accepted the fact that I'll never be a model (no, really!) but I am pretty good at sewing and do occasionally consider going on a fashion-type evening class to learn how to construct garments from scratch. (Especially just after watching Project Runway.
4. The contestants are a little further removed from the final product, making it easier to like someone's work and even be pleased that they won while still hating them as a person. (I've never bought into the frankly batshit and self-serving idea that somehow only good people can make good art.)
5. I'd rather be stuck in a lift with Tim Gunn than Tyra Banks.
I was excited to hear that there was a UK version, dismayed to hear it had been renamed 'Project Catwalk' (were they worried we'd get confused and think it was yet another airport-based reality show?) and absolutely horrified to find out it was hosted by Kelly Osbourne. So I think I'll be sticking to the US version.
Also, Marks and Spencers seem to have changed their Christmas advert. I heard there was some kind of fuss about it, but I only caught the original ad once before it vanished. As far as I can gather, it turns out that there's no problem at all with 'that bird' dancing round in her underwear (as she has been doing in every advert this year and still is in the new one). But any suggestion that men might actually ~enjoy~ watching this is bad, wrong and shameful. Um... huh? Remember guys, if you like watching girls in very little clothing, bite your tongues and never speak of it again!
Maybe they should have included catfights...
