Latest short story

[myz_lilith]

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones... The figure in the pit was completely obscured, but a voice could be heard, muttering away to itself. “Where’s a light when you need one? Black as sin down here...” There was a muffled “whuumph” and a faint glow, then the voice returned. “OK, that should be deep enough. Pass down the skull first.” “Are you sure it’s deep enough? We don’t want anyone getting suspicious.” “Quite sure. We’re down to the Triassic already. Now get a move on.” There was no reply, but soon a youngish man appeared into the dim light, staggering only slightly beneath the macabre burden balanced with expert practice across his shoulders. He grimaced briefly, shifted his weight, and watched as the bleach white remains tumbled into the abyss. There was a brief eruption of dust into the atmosphere. “What else do we need for this one?” “Couple of ribs and a femur should do it. Don’t want to make it too easy.” A deep chuckle emerged from the depths, rapidly evolving into a wheezing cough. “It’s all about timing, son. You got good delivery, I’ll give you that, but to really make it in this business, you gotta learn timing. Punchline comes too slow, they’re already bored and calling for the next guy. Punchline comes too fast and they’re just snoring. Gotta get ’em pissing themsleves. Then they’re yours” The voice hesitated and the light flickered briefly. “In fact, make one of those ribs from a completely different model. And stick in a fault line 30 miles East. Running widdershins.” Another spluttering chuckle came from below, rapidly followed by a string of breathless coughing, a sudden deadly calm, another spell of particularly vicious hacking, and finally a sharp but laboured intake of breath. “GET WITH IT BOY! You think we got all millennium or something? A sharp exhalation, from the younger man this time, who turned on his heel and slouched in an exaggerated manner back into the darkness. There was the sound of dragging, a couple of dull thuds, and a resounding silence. “Earth’s over there. Fill the gaps in well.” “So that’s the last of them?” “I reckon that’ll do, Sonny. Now there’s just the Book.” “The Book? Are you sure? I mean…” “You questioning My judgement?” Everything fell silent. The Universe held its breath. “It’s all part of the Plan. Are you questioning the Plan now too, Boy?” There was no reply, but sound of industrious shovelling quickly filled the air. “You did talk to them, didn’t you?” More shovelling. “You’re the straight man in this, Son! It’s the role you was born for! I can provide the punchline but it needs your set up to work properly.” A brief silence as the younger man paused in his labours to wipe his hands on his tunic, leaving faint pinkish smears. “You told them, right? You told them to love their neighbour, help the weak, and support the sick? And that all men are brothers? And that charity - not property - would give them a place in...” “Look, I created a metaphor with selfish guys, a camel and the eye of a needle, okay? Can you imagine the kind of looks I got working that one through?” There was a brief snigger in the darkness. “But you made sure they understood? It was all on the checklist...” “Dad, I wrote that list and I checked it twice, okay? Meek inherit, Lion and Lamb, over and over, until...” “Until they killed you.” “Yeah.” The Youth looked down at his hands, saying nothing. The older man waved any further discussion away, and pulled himself fully out of what remained of the excavation, pausing briefly for breath on the edge, before collapsing back to stare up at the stars, panting with exertion. “So now it’s time for the Book, see?” The younger man stood above him, spade hefted in one steady hand. An infinity passed. He sighed, almost inaudible, resigned. “If you say so, Dad” He sighed, lowered the spade and resumed shovelling. His Father eventually sat up, silent for a couple of minutes, watching the muscles rippling on the scarred back, which remained resolutely turned in his direction. “You really don't think they’ll get it?” He sounded hurt. The younger man straightened, turned, and wiped the sweat from his brow. “Dad, it’s a great joke, one of your best. It’s just that these guys are kinda literal, you know? Literally literal.” He paused. “They believe books.” “But after all you told them, they have to be able to spot the spoofs, right? I mean, it’s not like they can hear a message of love and then not spot the ringers...” He coughed harshly again. “Those hating bits, they’ll spot them in a second, Son. In a second! They’ll see the joke! They ain’t that dumb!” The younger man looked once more down at his hands, pointedly this time. “They’re VERY literal, Dad.” A highly pregnant pause. The old man looked uncomfortable. “OK, tell you what. I’ll drop them a hint, OK? A heavenly beam split the darkness as the young man smiled with white, white teeth. “Alright! I knew you had a heart in there somewhere, Dad!” “How about this... I’ll drop in a story. There’s this guy, humourless and devout, right? I tell him that I want him to sacrifice his son, yeah? And he does. Or rather he’s about to. Then I jump out from behind a rock and say ‘Gotcha!’ And the father has a heart attack and the son walks off free.” He stopped, deep in thought. “No, that’s no good. Great as a one-shotter, but it’d wreck the big joke. OK, I don’t tell him I’m kidding, just tell him I changed my mind. Testing him. Little hint, what I say ain’t always what I mean. Look for the red herrings. What do you think?” There was a diplomatic silence. The Son pulled a face, then another, gnawing at his lip. “So you reckon they’ll believe the whole set up? I mean, most of this was meant to have been written while I was down there, do you think they’ll accept...” “Accept? Within 50 years at least half of them will claim to know the author, and at least four will be claiming it as their own work! I know my audience, Sonny Boy.” “I still don’t know, Dad. What’s wrong with a bit of sleight of hand? I mean, everybody loves the classics. Look, it’s water. Now it’s wine. Body in the cave? Abracadabra and now it’s gone. You can take a practical joke too far, Dad. Couldn’t you go for the old fashioned laughs? You know, “A Mage, an Astronomer and a Seer walked into a stable....” Make the whole thing light entertainment, a proper giggle for all the family…” His Father gave him a look of thunder, and he fell silent. “Don't spoil the punchline, Boy! You write the whole thing as an obvious comedy, you lose the impact of the Big One. A hint is one thing, but if you need a big ‘INSERT LAUGH HERE’ caption, well, you might as well just go and sign up for one of the commercial cable channels and be done with it.” He spat; within seconds a small shrub was sprouting from the damp Earth. He shuffled awkwardly to his feet, brushing the dust off his hands onto his glowing white robe, where it quickly blanched and disappeared, leaving him pristine. His Son stamped down the last of the loose dirt and moved to stand by His Father's side. “Aw heck, Boy, if it was just the Book, I might be a bit worried that we’d overplayed it. But with the other Joke in place too...” He waved a hand vaguely and for an instant the layers of rock and soil beneath them turned clear as glass, revealing the reptilian grins beneath, “...take an idiot or something to miss it.” The Old Man flexed his fingers. A couple of miles south, lightening struck the Earth, a couple of hundred miles west, an entire continent was swamped. The recently emerged bush burst into flames at his feet. “Now lets sit back and see which of ‘em actually get the joke.”